Skittles

As far as I'm concerned she's one of the bravest persons I know. She has some serious emotional and physical problems, but she hasn't let that stop her. I know some days she probably thinks that it does and that there are days that might seem too much for her. I can't pretend to understand everything she goes through and what it takes for her to just open her door and walk outside. It's simple things like going to Walmart and doing some shopping that I would never think twice about and that for her is a major undertaking. It's hard for me to comprehend that, but thanks to her blog I can come closer to understanding.

She writes about issues that are about as personal as can be. She writes about her daily battle with diabetes and posts her daily blood sugar levels. I am always happy when she is within her acceptable levels and worried when it starts creeping up. She writes about her struggle with panic attacks, agoraphobia, depression, obesity and diabetes.

She's written when she had suicical thoughts and what it was like sitting in her bedroom in the middle of the night looking down at her sleeping husband and wondering what it would be like if she was not in this life anymore.

Her words have moved me. She's taught me things about life and other people.. She's made me laugh. She's made me cry.

We all know her as Skittles. Her given name is Barb. In the short time she's been on blogger she's gained quite a presence. Enough of one that of course she's brought out the haters. The people that complain that she all she does is complain. That she shouldn't be depressed. That she shouldn't write about her problems. What these people miss is that she should write about it. Besides the fact that she should write about whatever she wants to and if you don't want to read it, than just don't click on the button that brings you to her site. It takes an act of will for you to find her site and read her posts, if you don't like them, than don't act. But beyond that I think she should post and post about her life. Others in her situation might read her words and it might help them. Others that have no idea what someone in her situation goes through (like me) will read her words and understand a little better.

All that said and done I think we, the readers of her blog, have leveled a certain amount of pressure on Barb to always perform in a sense. I think she feels like she has to be witty or write about something moving or make us laugh, we go to her for so much and it has to have a toll. When she takes a break we all write her to hurry back and get back to blogging. It's meant well, heck, I've written her such words, but she has to find her way back on her own terms. She has to know that as much as we want to read her words, as much as we want to be entertained by her, we want her happy and healthy first. And if that means less blogging than that is something we all have to learn to live with.

Blogging can become quite addictive. I've said that many times and it is true. A lot of us blog about our lives and other things important to us. But we have to remember that if we want to have a life to blog about we sometimes have to turn the computer off.

I started out blogging for a lot of different reasons than I think I've ended up continuing to blog for. It was always a way for me to get my words out there to other people, to try to drive myself back into writing more. One thing I didn't expect was the added friendships I've made since I've started blogging. I've never met any of these people whose blogs I read daily and I probably will never meet the majority of you. I may end up meeting some one distance day, you never know what fate has in store. But I've come to think of a lot of you out there as good friends. You know you're a friend when even when I'm not blogging I'm thinking of something someone on one of my regular blogs has talked about or is having a problem with and wondering what I can say or do to help.

And Barb has become one of these friends. Her blog is always one of the first, if not usually the first I click on from my sidebar to start my daily rounds of blog hopping. She's one of the first people I think to leave a comment if I'm having problems with blogger or some of the multiple other add-ons or side bars in my blog. She seems to know how to fix everything in this computer world.

I enjoy reading about her world and her children and her husband and their daily lives. I worry with her when she's having a bad day. I feel bad when things become too much for her and she wants to harm herself. I wish there was a way I could help her when I know I'm sitting helpless on the other side of this computer screen.

I worry that this post will just be another way for her to feel the pressure to do more, to blog more. It's not meant that way at all. I just wanted to express my emotions about her and hope that she feels better and to let her know that she doesn't need to feel pressure to blog or to do anything on here...but be herself. If that means less blogging than that is what it means. She needs to find a level where she feels comfortable at.

As much as I enjoy reading her blog I would feel even better knowing that she is happy. Even if that meant I wouldn't be reading her posts as often as before. I know I can tell her to not feel the pressure she is, but I can't understand all that is behind those feelings. I can understand it a little better, thanks to her posts.

So Barb, Skittles to all of us, please take your time in getting back to us. Don't let blogging become something that is a chore, something that you feel like you have to, this should be fun. If it's not fun, don't do it because you feel like you have to. The only thing you have to do is make yourself happy and try to get better.