Wednesday, December 31, 2008

A New Year Begins, An Old Year Ends

This has been a strange year. I can't say it's been the worst year. I've got a job, what with the coming economy is something that too many can't say or will not be able to say in the future. I've got my health, it was some tough going there when my gall bladder surgery didn't turn out exactly like it was supposed to. But even here I have to think I'm in the good, I had insurance that covered the majority of the bill and a job that enabled me to take three weeks off and get paid for it. Even though New Orleans is having its share of problems and still recovering from a Hurricane three years ago it is still a city filled with life and music.

So what's the problem? I feel like I've accomplished nothing this year. At work, writing, personal...it all seems to have been at something of a standstill this year. Sometimes I feel like I'm in some sort of fog.

If I haven't lost some friends this year I haven't done much to keep some. It seems to have been too much effort to keep up with friends that weren't right here in my face. Online there were some friends that I thought highly of and haven't talked to much, if at all, this entire year. Other friends that I've had for years, even decades I haven't talked to in who knows how long. It just seems to have been easier to do nothing.

I have promised myself that I was going to get back into my writing this year and that has went just about nowhere. I flirted with a few things, but never pushed anything. It frustrates me because when I used to be so aggressive in getting published. I had built up a network of editors and artists and other writers, no too many years have passed for any of that.

I like my job but sometimes I just feel like taking off and never coming back. Do I want to make the jump back to a store manager? If I do I have to take the incentive to push myself to those above me. It's easier to do my job and not worry about trying to take that extra step.

Even here in this city I love I've been absent. I've hardly went to any concerts or shows. The only ones I can remember is Jazz Fest, though I'm sure I went to a few others. But normally I go to a few every month.

I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, even though I am, because it's not that. It's just some sort of malaise that I seem to have experienced this past year. It's not I walked around in some sort of fog. From the outside everything seemed to be good. And most of the time I could make myself believe that.

So for myself I'll be glad for the end of this year. I hope this new one holds more promise. And I know that to fulfill that promise I just have to get off my butt and go after it.
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