A Rollercoaster of A Week

This has been a very emotional week for me. At the start I learned my Dad's cancer is back. To make a long story short, he's dying. If we're lucky the chemo will help him, if not they're not sure how long he could have. So that's been a constant throughout the week. I'll go awhile without thinking about it, but than it hits me again and it will be all I can think about. The other night I was up most of the night because I couldn't get it off my mind.

I feel guilty when I'm enjoying myself and not thinking about it. I feel like I shouldn't be having fun. I know that's not true, but it's hard to find myself having a good time and than remember what he's going through.

I've talked about the importance of music many times before and this week proved to me how important it is. The week started with Shannon McNally and Charlie Sexton and than later Grayson Capps. It ended with Theresa Anderson and Will Hoge. Listening to their music was very helpful for me.

I don't want to turn this blog into a sob fest of how terrible I feel. I consider myself lucky. I may be losing my Dad and it is going to hurt, but I have to think of the years I have had him. I think about the last ten years of his life. He and my Mother got to retire and move out to the country. With the combination of their retirments they actually have been making more money than they ever had, plus they have a lot less expenses. They have had a good life and have been enjoying themselves. I want to focus on the good, because I know the bad will be be here soon enough.

Theresa Anderson has a song called "Fine Line" that she sang Saturday. It is written by Gary Hirstius.

"Life's hard
But at least you have it"

She turned these two lines into a celebration of life that day in the sun. Listening to her I couldn't help but think about my Dad and in the sadness was joy.