I think we've been so overwhelmed with television and movies, and for the few that still read even books, and the hyper cool way they talk and act and behave that we think that is what real life is like. I love William Goldman, I think he is one of the smartest writers out there, but I don't know many people that talk like his characters do. The West Wing is one of the smartest shows on television, it's characters show intelligence when they speak. But they don't sound like my friends and the people I met on the street.
I've been thinking about this for awhile now. It's actually slowed me down in blogging. If anyone reads these posts they may have noticed that I haven't been blogging as much as I used to. During the Katrina when I was in Tennessee and couldn't get to an internet connection I continued to write posts almost everyday, to post them when I finally got the ability to connect to the internet. I enjoy this form of communication, but lately I found that whenenver I wanted to post my mind would go to other things, and I would think I should write this post first, but never did.
Whenever someone in a movie or tv has a near death experience it always changes them. It ususally makes them a better person. They have conversations about how much it means, how much more life means to them. That everyday is more precious than the last. You all know it, I'm sure you've seen the act in a thousand movies or tv shows.
But is it really like that?
I can't claim that my near death experience was anything very exciting. Lying on a hospital bed with your appendics turned poisionous isn't going to make a movie of the week. I felt sick going in the hospital, sicker than I have ever felt. But I never really thought I was going to die. The doctors and the nurses, everyone that was present at the surgery all told me that they've never seen an appendics that bad, it had turned gangrene. The next day I most of had a steady stream of hospital personnel come by my bed to tell me how bad it was. The doctors told me that another day and it would have been too late. I got in to the hospital just in time.
But it still didn't feel like I was almost at death's door. I was glad that I got in to the hospital in time. I was glad that everything went so well. But I didn't feel this life changing event.
The only time I really thought I might die was about three days after the surgery. I was still sick. I couldn't eat. I was throwing up, what I don't know, cause I wasn't eating anything to put in my stomach. I would feel ok for a little while, than I would feel as bad as I've ever felt. This was still continuing about three days after the surgery. I thought that I should be getting better. And I asked my doctor was everything all right? Was I getting better? He explained that the poision from the bad appendics had gotten so into my system that it was just taking longer to get them out. And the next day I actually started to feel better.
Still there was no conversion. I wasn't signing my life over to Jesus for saving me. I wasn't going out to help the homeless and the hungry. I wasn't devoting my life to chairty. I'm not trying to be flip here and make it sound like I'm making fun of this. I"m really not. It's just that part of me feels like there should be more to all this. My life was saved so I should be out there on a soup line now.
I'm not even sure if any of this makes any sense. But it has been nagging at me for a long time now. Whenever I would think about posting I would think I should write this first, but never got around to it. Mainly cause I'm not sure if I'm not just completley babbling away here and not making any sense.
I'm sure that there are people out there that do re invent their lives after a life threatening situtaion. Maybe because I never really felt like my life was in jeopardy (save for that one brief moment). In some ways I guess I feel quilty that I'm not doing my part to save the world now. Guilty that my life was spared and I'm not doing anything to make the world a better place. If this was a movie of the week I would have quit my job and be working in a shelter trying to help the homeless. But than this isn't a movie of the week so all I can really do is try and live my life the best I can and if along the way I can help a few people and make a difference in a few lives than that should be enough.
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